Life is Uppermost

As I watch lemony yellow leaves flutter from our magnificent cottonwood tree while a light breeze shakes its aging leaves, words I seem to remember reading in the past float through my mind. "IN DEATH I LIVE." Was it a quote from Lilias Trotter? A remnant of the verse, "Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him" (Romans 6:8)? As I ponder these words, I think of the deaths I have experienced.

My life has seen its share of death. I have been by the blessed bedsides of dear family members as they were lifted out of their used-up bodies into the arms of Jesus. I count these experiences of watching a LIFE TRANSFORMED from a broken world into the awesome presence of our loving Creator as some of my most precious gifts.

Another kind of death I have experienced is the death of dreams. While painful at the time, these experiences too I count as gifts. As I have been compelled to give up personal plans for my life, I HAVE RECIEVED SOMETHING SO MUCH BETTER - the perfect will of God in my life. In the death of my plans, I have received the peace of knowing that the One who loves me beyond comprehension and knows what the future holds orders my days.

There is another death that has brought life that I have been blessed beyond blessed to experience. "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; BUT IF IT DIES, IT BEARS MUCH FRUIT" (John 12:23, emphasis added). Just as Jesus died and rose again in order to raise many more to eternal life, so I too, because of His substitutionary death, have died and risen again in a spiritual sense. On the day many years ago that I repented of my sin (sin is the lasting death which brings no life in its wake) and accepted the love of God, Jesus raised my soul out of the groveling pit of sin to eternal life. The life I now have is fruitful as I surrender my faulty human will to His perfect will. Yes, it is a death of sorts to give up my own will. But just as the death of a flower is what leads to abundance of life through its seed or as the death of the leaves of my giant cottonwood provides life giving nutrients to future plants through their decomposition, so my surrendered life can now produce the fruit for which it was originally made. Praise God for this death to eternal death that leads to life, a life of fruitfulness and multiplication in the Kingdom of God! And this life isn't such a bad deal for me either. While I will experience pain and loss on earth, I know that these troubles are light and momentary in comparison with the eternal glory of heaven (see Romans 8:18).

In her book, Parables of the Cross, Lilias Trotter wrote these words beside her detailed painting of a bed of lush and colorful moss atop a decomposing mound of brown plant matter. "This bit of sphagnum shows the process in miniature: stage after stage of dying has been gone through, and each has been all the while crowned with life... YES, LIFE IS THE UPPERMOST, resurrection life, radiant and joyful and strong, for we represent down here Him who liveth and was dead and is alive for evermore" (Lilias Trotter, "Parables of the Cross", emphasis added).

 

Our Greatest Asset

"The health of our bodies is our greatest asset. Because when that goes, what do you have?" I recently read this quote in a newspaper article by a well intended defender of our health. This wasn't my first time to hear the sentiment. I get it. Illness is an evil to be fought against. (More correctly, illness is the result of sin, and while it is good to fight against illness, evil is our true enemy. But that is another topic...) The side of me that recoils from pain, suffering, and all the unsightliness of a body that does not operate as it was designed understands what is being said. But as I have spent many (okay, all) of my adult years struggling with my health, I can't help but be rather indignant over this well meaning yet off base idea.

 

Firstly, the question is insulting. (Hang with me! I am not bitter over it.) Are those who do not have health second rate citizens? I believe this to be a thoughtless and unintended insult, and so will quickly pass it by.

 

Secondly, I don't believe that any human being - whether the tiniest of babies in their mother's womb, the child filled with delight and energy, the young adult full of aspiration, the hard working and faithful middle-aged, the bed ridden elderly, or the variously "disabled" - is at any time in their life free from carrying out their purpose in life. As a follower of Jesus, I believe that God gave deep purpose and meaning to every human life. "When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor" (Psalm 8:3-5). Simply being the bearer of God's image (Genesis 1:26) marks us with great worth and purpose.

 

Thirdly, I believe that suffering has a purpose. Take Lazarus for example. He was a man who suffered much in an illness - so much so that he died of it. Jesus' words about Lazarus' illness and death highlight the purpose in them:

 

"This illness… is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it" (John 11:4).

 

"Lazarus has died, and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe" (John 11:14).

 

Lives were changed eternally for good because the deity, power, and life of Christ were made obvious through Lazarus. But in order to display all of this, Lazarus had to suffer and die. (Some may accuse Jesus of callously using Lazarus' suffering for His own purposes. Read the entire passage, and you will see that Jesus was cut to the heart by the death of his good friend. The same is true of our suffering, friends!)

 

Lastly, those who belong to the eternal Kingdom of God possess something extremely precious. Whether we have our health or not, we have Jesus! He is truly our "greatest asset."

 

And so, while the well meaning may be appalled at illness, I would say this. Illness does not impair a person's worth or work, nor does it take from the Christian their greatest treasure. "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39).

Yet Not I

Challenged. That's how I feel when I attempt painting leaves. Yet I am determined to learn. And so I keep trying.

It seems as though leaves should be the easiest of subjects to paint. Their simplicity fools me into believing them within my skill level. And yet my hard efforts come up short. Perhaps I'm overthinking them. After all, my best paintings are not those that I labor over but those created in the moments I get lost in the beauty of my subject and the joy of pigment and water.

So it is in the life of many a Christ follower. We carefully think through whether we are able to do the task before us - forgiving a false accusation, returning evil with good, showing compassion, sharing the hope that is in us... The more we dig into ourselves for strength, the more we realize we are completely unable. But when we gaze at Jesus and "the immeasurable greatness of His power toward us who believe," the formerly impossible deed is effortless (Ephesians 1:19).

Yet not I, but Christ in me.

Look Forward

"By faith [Abraham] went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God" (Hebrews 11:9-10).

Illness clearly shows the flaws of our bodies. Rather than being a palace of luxury, our bodies display all the inconveniences and discomforts of a tent.

Even for one who likes a good tent camping vacation, the glamor and novelty will eventually wear off. Bones begin to ache from hard ground. Skin ages from exposure. Hair grows hopelessly tangled from wind. Face is scorched from cooking over a fire. We begin to dream of a luxury hotel.

Has the novelty of illness (or whatever your trial may be) worn off? If you (as I have done) focus on the discomfort, you will become disheartened. You will want to give up, and you will cry for an end to it. And while crying out to God in our pain is good, God wishes us to not only turn our hearts to understand our utter helplessness (What a gift to be given true vision!), but also to turn our eyes to hope in and expectancy of the promise. Eternal life. Life made beautiful through the Spirit now. Life more beautiful and grand than we are able to imagine in "the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God."

So in the trial, let's not only cry out, but lift our gaze to the One who has promised a home in His palace.

Photo: bricks torn out of our basement during professional mold remediation

Peace for Bluster

"And he wrote letters to cast contempt on the Lord... And they shouted it with a loud voice in the language of Judah to the people of Jerusalem who were on the wall, to frighten and terrify them, in order that they might take the city."

- II Chronicles 32:17-18 -

The Enemy's tactics don't change.  Noise. Fear. Persistence. What is our defense against this bluster? Like Jesus, we must continually go to a quiet place to commune with the Father (see verse 20). In that place we can hear the voice of Truth, escape the persistent barrage of the Enemy, and leave our fears behind as we walk forward in confidence in the mighty and victorious God.

Photo: watercolor play from last winter

Sorting Photos

It is photo sorting time. I remember the winter days when Mom took over the basement table to sort a couple year's prints to place in albums. That was no small job in a family of budding photographer-daughters blessed with a dad who gave them a good camera and quality film with which to learn.* (The watercolorist, Angela Fehr would approve. No student grade paper for her!)

The digital age has its perks, but it also brings its own challenges. Masses and masses of files! And so I make it a goal to several times a year brutally sort through the photos on my phone before transferring for storage on my computer. Lately on a day with much forced couch time was one such day. Some, even though old, must be shared here.

*I should note that I was not one of the budding photographers in those days. It was not until digital came around that I put my finger to the shutter. Perhaps knowing immediately what my photos looked like gave me the willingness to try, fail, and try again. 

"...we return glory, honor, and praise, with all thankfulness..."

Thanksgiving looks different this year for many of us. For my family chronic illness continues to wage war in our bodies making for a very low key, small celebration. Yet our hearts are grateful.

As I glance over the history of the first four years at Plymouth, my trials seem small in comparison. I am not starving. I have not lost half my family members to illness. I do not face danger on every side. My clothes are not in rags. If they could praise God for His faithfulness, I most certainly can!

"...having these many signs of God's favor and acceptance, we thought it would be a great ingratitude if secretly we should content ourselves with private thanksgiving for that which by private prayer could not obtain [referring to a day of fasting and prayer for the necessary rain in a time of serious drought that the Pilgrims' crops needed to prevent complete starvation,  summer of 1623]. And therefore another solemn day was set apart and appointed for that end; wherein we returned glory, honor, and praise, with all thankfulness to our God who dealt so graciously with us."

- Edward Winslow -

A Blessed Thanksgiving to you!

P.S. I did not plan ahead with a photo for today, so here is one from my gallery archives. First brush drawing, April 2020.

Pain an Idol?

"Don't let your trial become an idol." That is roughly what Damaras Carbaugh said to me over the radio waves one day six years ago.* No, she didn't use my name. God added my name to Damaras' words as the impact of them settled into my mind. "Don't let your trial become an idol, Elsa."

An idol is something we revere. It is something that consumes our heart, mind and soul. It is something that takes precedence over all objects, events and relationships. It is something we take pride in.

How can something bad become a thing of pride to us? Watch a group of children showing off their badges of honor in the form of bumps and bruises, and you will see pride in something that originally was bad. We adults do the same thing in a more sophisticated way. Well, sometimes we are more sophisticated.

Pride in our trial breeds selfishness. A heart consumed with self has little room for others. Selfishness destroys relationships. We put ourselves before others, and we pull away from God who sees each person's pain with an equal measure of compassion.

"Don't let your trial become an idol, Elsa." I have heard this phrase now and again over the years. The warning has not come over the radio these times but rather from the small voice of my pricked conscience. I have put my trial higher than others’ trials. This has lead to strained relationships. I have let pain gain control of my thoughts. This has lead to distance from my Creator, Savior and Sustainer. Yes, a trial can become an idol.

Nevertheless, idols can be destroyed. Through repentance they can be thrown into the fire of mercy. Forgiveness can replace hurt. The Savior can take back His rightful throne and heal our sinful souls as, by His enabling grace we gaze on Him, not our trials.

*For the original quote and a good dose of godly exhortation that will stir your soul to action, listen to the Revive Our Hearts podcast titled "Walk with Me with Damaris Carbaugh," originally aired in May of 2014. This quote comes from the third part, "Goodbye to Me," but the whole series is well worth a listen.

The Best is Yet To Be

Listening in on one side of a telephone conversation, I heard Mom encouraging a friend with the words, "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (Jesus  speaking in John 16:33). In the next room I added my two cents to the conversation (quietly, to Hannah), "The best is yet to be!" Then I laughed. Boy, is that an understatement!

Pictured: sunset over the lake, summer 2020

My Light and My Salvation

I normally prefer natural light for my photography, but this early morning when I am awake with symptoms, I am enjoying the beauty of this decor in golden lamplight from my post on a heating pad. Besides, a light bulb is all the light there is at this time of day.

Speaking of light, there is a Light that illumines the darkest of my nights. Symptoms mixed with brain fog and deep fatigue often lead to terrible anxiety. In those times I often speak these fighting words to remind my heart of the One who fights for me and is victorious:

"The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid... Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident."

- Psalm 27:1, 3 -

How grateful I am to have tucked these words into my memory fifteen years ago. God knew I would need them today.

Not Greatly Shaken

Few of us have experienced an earthquake, but those who have testify to a disorienting, fearful experience. A friend of mine was overseas in an area hit by an earthquake several years back. While she was not at the devastated epicenter, the quake caused all in her area to panic and go into a mode of fear for the next weeks. While we may not have lived through a physical earthquake, many of us have lived or are living through a disorienting experience and know the resulting deep fear.

Earlier I wrote about Negative Truth versus Greater Truth. Negative Truths are those that bind us in fear and despair as we look down and in. Greater Truth leads to peace and joy as we look up at Truth Himself. One negative truth is that we are shaken by our trials. The greater Truth is that "I will not be greatly shaken" (Psalm 62:1). Shaken, yes, but not greatly. God won't let us be shaken out of our salvation in Him. He has the strength to get us through every hard thing and bring us out stronger in Him on the other side.

Photo: color play from April 2020

Greater Truth

The last months I have experienced challenging health set backs that have brought me close to the door of despair. The refrain in my mind has been, "This is too much for me. I can't take this anymore." Any health expert would say that these negative thoughts are a sure way of staying sick or even getting sicker. But what do you do when your negative thoughts are true? Cover them up with a band aid of a smile? (Yes, you will see me smiling these days, but keep reading to find out why I can.) Say the opposite of what is true and hope that somehow things will magically change? How about something better - replace those Negative Truths with Greater Truth.

I have been seeing a lot of empty words thrown out to those going through hard times. Statements like, "You've got this, " or "You are enough," abound. A few months ago a friend pointed out to me another common phrase that is lacking in truth. "God won't give you more than YOU can handle." While this is partly true (see I Cor. 10:13 and how it pertains to temptation), the phrase lacks all that makes it true. The Negative Truth is WE can't handle this life in our human strength. The Greater Truth is that GOD'S sufficient strength is ours for the having (I Cor. 12:9).

Negative Truths are those that come from looking down and looking in. Greater Truth comes from looking up at our Father.

The same friend who showed me the self focused lie in this phrase created a counter-phrase, a Greater Truth, to say in those times of white-knuckle need. Here I have slightly altered her words to make a tidy little rhyme: "When life is more than you can bear, remember God is always there."

"...a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

- II Corinthians 10:12-13 -

New Proverb

There ought to be a proverb about a tulip planted in autumn bringing joy in the spring.

True Hope

Hope is not wishful thinking or a feeling. True hope is purposeful, joyful, patient, expectant waiting for our faithful Father to fulfill His better than can be imagined promises.

References: Romans 12:12, Romans 8:18-25, I Thessalonians 5:24, Ephesians 3:20, and a vast number of promises from Genesis through Revelation 

Pictured: Bergenia on a rainy day

My Presence Will Go With You

"And He said, 'My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.' And he said to Him, 'If Your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here...' And the Lord said to Moses, 'This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name'" (Exodus 33:14, 15, 17).

Six year ago today I stepped from life serving God with all my might in a body struggling with an unknown illness into the life of a weak and needy invalid. The days before this abrupt change, God mercifully prepared my heart and gave me joy in acceptance. As the time came to fully let go of my previous life and the reality of this life change sunk in, a plea similar to what Moses expressed went up from my heart. I was nearly unconscious, literally fighting for my life, yet this was my hearts cry, "God, if you won't go with me, don't let me live." I distinctly remember resonating with the words of a song playing over our van speakers, "...before I'd be a slave, I'd be buried in my grave, and go home to my Lord and be free."* Rather than lose intimacy with my Father (and be a slave to this world and sin) I would rather die and be with Him forever. This was no morbid thought of longing for death. No, I was ready more than ever to serve God with my whole life here on earth. But as all was stripped away, I realized with clarity how essential God's presence was for my very existence. In the hours of facing the frightening valley of the shadow of death, all I wanted was closeness to God. And He gave it to me. "My presence will go with you." I knew I did not deserve it, but because of Jesus, He was near me.

*"O Freedom" sung by Chris Rice, "Peace Like a River: The Hymns Project"

This Little Light of Mine

As I gazed at the darkness out our window lit by an electric candle, I noticed a small sparkle on the porch roof below. I looked again. Did I just imagine it? No, there it was, that gentle twinkle of light on snow crystal. I moved slightly. More glitter appeared. Amazing! The world was dark but for a few small lights in windows, yet the snow shone with gentle brilliance as it caught the little light it could. One small light. Many snow crystals illumined.

That is what we who are in Christ are – small lives lit by the current of God's grace.  We shine ever so slightly in a vast darkness, yet we cause numberless glimmers of hope to spark in those around us. Hope in a pure Light. Hope in a Savior.

Go deeper:

Matthew 5:14-16

Philippians 2:12-16

Enough

When the body is broken, we yearn for something to fill the gap and bring strength. And so we eat food that brings healing nutrition and drink water that satisfies and purifies. We find refreshment. Sometimes the refreshment is deep and we gain much strength for the day before us. Yet more often the food and drink are only just enough to keep us from sinking.

So often at those times of bodily brokenness our souls are also broken. The journey is too much for our human weakness, and we need that heavenly Food and Drink lest we die inside. God gives it to us daily and it is enough. Sometimes what is given feels only just enough. But it is always enough!

"He said not: Thou shalt not be tempested, thou shalt not be travailed, thou shalt not be afflicted; but He said: Thou shalt not be overcome" (Amy Carmicheal, Rose from Brier, 1933).

There is always enough, more than enough, in Christ Jesus!

Go deeper: Study Romans 8:31-39 

An Exchange of Life

There was a most beautiful basswood tree here only a few years ago. Now we have a most impressive fungus.

"'There is no end in nature, but every end is a beginning. Every ultimate fact is only the beginning of a new series [Emerson]'... Life leads on to new death, and new death back to life again... 'in death's oft' is the measure of our growth, 'always delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh [II Cor. 4:11].'"

- I. Lillias Trotter, Parables of the Cross -

Cemetary Beauty

While Hannah and I were on a gravestone decorating errand for someone this spring, we enjoyed the beauty of old stones and pondered the peace and hope we have in Jesus. 

"Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on. 'Blessed indeed,' says the Spirit, 'that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them!'"

- Revelation 14:13 -

Finished Product

For those of you who remember my knit squares blanket project from a few years ago, here is a long overdue photo of the finished project. Each day this blanket is placed on my freshly made bed and on special occasions is used.

This project put feet on...

...perseverance: Step after step had to be taken before a useful and beautiful end result. 

...all things working together for good for those who love the Lord: This is one of many beautiful things God brought out of agonizing illness and weakness.