"And He said, 'My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.' And he said to Him, 'If Your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here...' And the Lord said to Moses, 'This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name'" (Exodus 33:14, 15, 17).
Six year ago today I stepped from life serving God with all my might in a body struggling with an unknown illness into the life of a weak and needy invalid. The days before this abrupt change, God mercifully prepared my heart and gave me joy in acceptance. As the time came to fully let go of my previous life and the reality of this life change sunk in, a plea similar to what Moses expressed went up from my heart. I was nearly unconscious, literally fighting for my life, yet this was my hearts cry, "God, if you won't go with me, don't let me live." I distinctly remember resonating with the words of a song playing over our van speakers, "...before I'd be a slave, I'd be buried in my grave, and go home to my Lord and be free."* Rather than lose intimacy with my Father (and be a slave to this world and sin) I would rather die and be with Him forever. This was no morbid thought of longing for death. No, I was ready more than ever to serve God with my whole life here on earth. But as all was stripped away, I realized with clarity how essential God's presence was for my very existence. In the hours of facing the frightening valley of the shadow of death, all I wanted was closeness to God. And He gave it to me. "My presence will go with you." I knew I did not deserve it, but because of Jesus, He was near me.
*"O Freedom" sung by Chris Rice, "Peace Like a River: The Hymns Project"
Six year ago today I stepped from life serving God with all my might in a body struggling with an unknown illness into the life of a weak and needy invalid. The days before this abrupt change, God mercifully prepared my heart and gave me joy in acceptance. As the time came to fully let go of my previous life and the reality of this life change sunk in, a plea similar to what Moses expressed went up from my heart. I was nearly unconscious, literally fighting for my life, yet this was my hearts cry, "God, if you won't go with me, don't let me live." I distinctly remember resonating with the words of a song playing over our van speakers, "...before I'd be a slave, I'd be buried in my grave, and go home to my Lord and be free."* Rather than lose intimacy with my Father (and be a slave to this world and sin) I would rather die and be with Him forever. This was no morbid thought of longing for death. No, I was ready more than ever to serve God with my whole life here on earth. But as all was stripped away, I realized with clarity how essential God's presence was for my very existence. In the hours of facing the frightening valley of the shadow of death, all I wanted was closeness to God. And He gave it to me. "My presence will go with you." I knew I did not deserve it, but because of Jesus, He was near me.
*"O Freedom" sung by Chris Rice, "Peace Like a River: The Hymns Project"
